What would happen to our homes if we took the Bible seriously?
Woman today has more or less abandoned her home. And the choices of woman in society in general have been carried over to a great degree into the Adventist church, as reflected in the choices the Adventist woman is making regarding her home.
This has been unsettling to me in many ways, partly because it is not the way woman has behaved in times past, partly because the role model of woman that I grew up with as a child was not what it is today, and partly because intuitively I have always felt that a woman's primary focus in life was with home and children. It has also been unsettling to be told that all of the above reasons for thinking and feeling the way I have about womanhood were because I was brainwashed, reared in a chauvinistic male society. And at times, I have wondered just how the pieces of life and womanhood all fit together. At such times, Titus 2 has quieted the tossing of my mind, has challenged me to be more of the woman I believe God wants me to be.
Speaking to young women in Titus 2:5, the apostle Paul urges that they "be discreet, chaste, keepers at home. . . ." These young women are obviously married with children, as the previous verse indicates. They are also distinguished from older women, spoken of in verse 3, who are to teach the younger women how to be keepers at home and to love their husbands and children. The word translated "keeper at home" (Greek oikouros) literally means "a stayer at home"; its meaning also includes being "domestically inclined," a "good house-keeper," "a guard," "a dweller at home."
But I have a question. Should we read and accept verse 5—including "keepers at home"—as inspired instruction from God through Paul that is applicable to twentieth century women? Or shall we argue (as we have with other verses we don't like) that this injunction is only relevant to ancient Jewish culture and no longer applicable to us? Are we to say (as some have) that Paul's writings regarding women and their roles were influenced by his biased misunderstandings of women? But if we believe that, what are we going to do with 2 Timothy 3:16, which says that "all scripture is given by inspiration of God"?
To be quite honest with you, if any of Paul's writings in Scripture are not to be trusted due to his personal biases and perversions, I'm not at all sure I can trust anything he says—nor could I trust any other prophet or apostle who has written something I don't happen to agree with. So of course, sooner or later, that leaves me without any inspired Bible at all—which is exactly where many theologians have ended up today when they have taken their own arguments to their logical conclusions. And if I haven't any inspired Word as a guide for my life, then I am indeed without hope.
In regard to Titus 2 then, shall I accept verse 5—women are to be "keepers at home"—as an expression of God's will, or not? I must decide. We all must decide. And if we decide that Titus 2:5 is inspired truth, then we must begin to understand what being a "keeper at home" means.
And we must also hear from our church about Titus 2:5 (and Titus 2:3, for that matter), for women today are faced with tough decisions about whether or not to leave home for outside employment. I know that there is tremendous pressure upon women today to help support the family financially. This pressure comes not only from society, but also from the family and the church. The Adventist woman has been made to feel that it is commendable, even necessary, for her to get a job to help put the children through Adventist schools, etc. And indeed it may at times be necessary, but something is wrong—terribly wrong—if being supportive of the family and church requires a woman to leave her children and home and disregard the claims of Scripture upon her.
What does it mean to be a Titus 2 woman? Others are finding out. Sadly, I must admit that most of my encouragement to be a Titus 2 woman has come from outside of our church. An evangelical church in Dallas is daring to encourage its women to live out the practice of Titus 2—older women teaching younger women. They call the program HEART TO HEART. Women sign up and are matched together—an older woman with a younger woman, with the commitment to talk to one another once a week and see one another once a month, for one year. Several women involved in the program have testified of the wonderful ways God has worked through these special relationships, which have developed into lifetime friendships.
We have become so highly educated and sophisticated that the graces of homemaking and the resulting happiness it brings have become a lost art among us. Despite our sophisticated American society today, we are more backward than many third world countries in making a success of our families, our church, and society. In these so-called "uncivilized" societies, women have a strong, effective network in which the older women are the mentors of the younger women. Young women are not left to stumble through marriage and motherhood alone, as they often are in America today. Rather, they are diligently instructed, educated and encouraged as they go along. These women have a tight social network among themselves. Marriage is not the beginning of an isolated life, but rather an added social experience in a society where younger women and older women interact together almost constantly. This relationship forms the strength and backbone of marriage and family life in these societies.
We need to make home the center of life again. For women who feel they absolutely must work in order to meet needs, not wants, of the family, I believe there are other alternatives to leaving home for outside employment:
Women can work part time rather than full time outside of the home, in order to be home when the children are there.
Women can work shifts that will allow them to be at home with their children.
Women can work at home with a home business and still be available and at home with their children full time.
I believe that the emphasis of Titus 2 that women be "keepers of the home" implies that the biggest and best part of a woman's time and attention be given to the home. This simply cannot be done when most of her time is spent outside of the home.
We have so much to learn. We need to study and discover how to live up to the claims of Scripture upon us as women. We need to learn how to make our homes the centers of outreach ministry. We need older women to teach us how to be domestic—to be good cooks and homemakers—to learn how to decorate, to be hospitable, to rear and train children, to be good wives. We need the seasoned advice and experience of the older women in the church. We need their support and encouragement. We need teachers—teachers of business, cooking and nutrition, arts and crafts, nursing, witnessing seminars. And the Adventist church should help encourage, plan, and finance this education for our women.
Women who are "keepers at home" may not bring in the same amount of monetary income resulting in tithe dollars that those who work outside of the home would generate, but I wonder if the Lord would not bless the work of the Titus 2 woman in such a way that her home business and her home evangelism might not produce even more tithe dollars than if she left home to work.
The church has been giving us mixed messages about womanhood. Does it want us to be Titus 2 women—full time "keepers at home" and role models for other women in the church? Or does it want us to be financially supportive wives and mothers by getting a job to help support our schools and churches? Perhaps the church doesn't know what it believes in regard to womanhood any more. On the one hand, full time homemakers receive lip service but no real support from the church. On the other hand, working women are considered a necessary part of the church work force and vital to the financial well being of the church. No wonder women are confused. Sometimes I wonder if our church would feel threatened if its female population became Titus 2 women. Perhaps money forms too large a part in its convictions after all.
What are the implications of Titus 2? Am I proposing that every mother with young children be home full time? Maybe. I don't have all the answers. I feel like I'm sailing uncharted waters as I try to live according to Titus 2 in 20th century society. Nor do I believe that being a "keeper at home" requires a woman to remain at home behind closed doors 24 hours a day. I do not know where Titus 2 may lead us, but I feel excited and compelled to find out.
For more information on the HEART TO HEART program in Dallas, contact Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 500, Pomona, CA 91769.