Book Review: Men and Marriage

Outside of the Bible itself, Men and Marriage presents one of the best cases for monogamous, heterosexual marriage that this reviewer has ever read. In addition, it reveals the reasons behind so much of the trouble and unrest in society and does so with such clarity as to call forth an "Of course! Why didn't I see that?" response from the reader.

Structure of the Argument

The book is divided into three parts:

• Part 1: "The Facts of Life" discusses the sexual superiority of women, biological differences between men and women in which sexual identity involves roles, the male sex drive as a vital variable in civilization, and the taming of that drive by long-term commitments to work and community in which becoming husband and provider are the ideals.
• Part 2: "The Breakdown of Monogamy" discusses women as the victims of sexual liberation, the single man as one who lacks sustained commitment and future orientation, homosexuality as the most vivid demonstration of monogamy's breakdown, the ghetto as symptomatic of such breakdown, and the need to restore the primacy of family values.
• Part 3: "The Economy of Eros" discusses such things as sexual politics, the perils of androgyny, women in combat, and the profound dislocation of women's liberation.

While he does not discuss the sacredness of marriage, Gilder rests his case on data generated by anthropological, sociological and psychological studies that support the traditional view of the marital relationship.

The Struggle for Masculinity

The book is a revised edition of Sexual Suicide, which elicited many indignant responses from feminists and sexual liberationists when it first appeared. Many prominent publishers were interested in the revised edition, but were scared off by feminist editors. It is no wonder the book was resisted, as it contains assertions that would be disturbing to both male and female feminists, such as:

"The denial of male nature in modern life warps and perverts the natural play of male aggression, leading to violence and pornography, to fear and exploitation of women, to the quest for potency through drugs and alcohol, to punch-drunk music, and to fighting at sports events." [2]

In thinking of his own son in the context of the sexual revolution and feminist propaganda, the author writes: "I do not want my son to be told that he does not have to be masculine to succeed as a man that he can be happily supported by a mothering wife and never really grow up." [3]

Biological Roles vs. Cultural Roles

Gilder rejects the radical feminist view that the two sexes are essentially identical and clearly demonstrates that men and women are not only biologically different but that consequently they fulfill different roles in society. Citing studies of Steven Goldberg and Margaret Mead he states, "The degree to which women take power seems to depend on the extent to which the men are absent." [4] Women will fill the roles abandoned by men, and the radical feminist movement today is intimidating them to do so.

The greatest danger to the institution of marriage and family today is not the feminist movement itself but the male's abdication of his traditional role. Men are being urged to escape the "trap" of being masculine so they can give expression to the caring side of their personality. But this view is based on the idea that the male provider role and the female nurturing role are simply cultural. Rather, Gilder maintains, they are biological. Men are male because of the way they were born, not the way they were raised: "Their brains are fetally masculinized." [5] In Biblical terminology, men are male and women female because they were created that way.

Margaret Mead's studies have revealed that "Men can be passive without grave psychological damage only if the women are passive also. Aggressive and competitive women, unconcerned with motherhood, produce more ruthless men—and a society so competitive that it disintegrates. Men, on the other hand, when passively preoccupied with child-rearing, become incapable of effective sexual behavior and paranoid about aggressive women.... In none of the tribes Mead studied is there the slightest evidence that roles, however created, through culture or biology, can be switched back and forth or that the aggressiveness and volatility of males can be ignored by any society." [6]

The Costs of Breakdown

Studies of American society have revealed that career women marry much later and divorce more, the most "successful" having the highest rate of divorce. Furthermore, when restrictions on sexual behavior are removed, the result is more vicious sexual competition. Monogamy, "one to a customer," is a form of sexual rationing that has proven to be a major factor in personal, family, and social stability.

It is the breakdown of monogamy that is the prime cause of the increase of homosexuality, according to Gilder. (Those who would support polygamy, even on a temporary basis, should take note.) That homosexuality is a fixed and immutable condition, that one may be born a homosexual, is a myth, he maintains. It is that appalling and misleading message that has led many normal but sexually insecure young men into the gay life. Without hesitation, and in prophetic style, the author places the blame for the AIDS epidemic right where it belongs: "The liberal journalist, compassionate churchmen, tolerant sociologists, pliable psychologists, pandering politicians, and value-free sex educationists who condoned the most extreme homosexual behavior as an acceptable life-style are the true sources of the AIDS epidemic." [7]

Gilder does not pretend to write as a Christian theologian but he says what they should be saying: "Gays turning to churches and other institutions for help all too often were told not to worry. Seeking redemption for their sins they were treated as sinless. Denied repentance they could not attain expiation." [8]

But he does recognize the important role the Church plays in social stability when he says, "Without a strong religious culture a secular bureaucracy, with its rationalizing ethic, erodes the very foundations of family life and thus creates the very moral chaos it ostensibly combats. The effort to inculcate ethical behavior without religious faith seems one of the great fiascoes of the modern age." [9] He calls for the Church to abandon its contemporary role as the shill for the welfare state and return to its primary function, providing moral and spiritual leadership for American society.

Implications for the Church

If Gilder's analysis is accurate, the sexual revolution and the feminist movement are two of the greatest dangers ever faced by American society and the Christian Church. They presage the dissolving of the glue that holds the very fabric of family and society together. He lauds the emergence of America's "conservative women," Phyllis Schlafly being a prominent example, who know what is really at stake and are not taken in by the misleading rhetoric of the feminist movement and the liberal male politicians and churchmen who lack the nerve to oppose them.

It has never been a matter of males putting females "in their place"—rather it is a matter of feminists urging women and men to abandon the place they have been given by the Creator and by society. The fact is that women do have their place. Gilder says it is "in the home." [10] Men have their place too; it is a "lifetime of hard labor," [11] in order to support the domestic values of civilization. When she gets it the feminist demanding liberation will awaken one morning and find herself in bondage to the demands of the workplace. She will wonder why men are no longer interested in her as a woman. Men will be liberated then, too, not to enjoy life in society for which mankind was created but for violence and bestiality, becoming the enemy of women once depicted as the caveman who hauled his women about by the hair.

True liberation has always been submission to the order for human sexuality and the relationship between the sexes established by God. In the midst of foggy liberal rhetoric and guilt-ridden handwringing comes the fresh breeze of this clear-thinking book. Greed and self-centeredness is at the root of the sexual revolution and the radical feminist movement. Much more is at stake than meets the eye, the author suggests, even such things as democratic freedom and capitalism. Gilder's book is like a sharp knife cutting through the cobwebs of contemporary miasmic thought.

Gilder's arguments have serious implications for the Seventh-day Adventist Church, which should be in the forefront of resistance to secular and demoralizing trends. One important area we should examine is curriculum content and teaching methods employed in our church schools at all levels. Do they in fact support male and female role distinctions as created by God, or an unbiblical unisex?